2023: The reset that was necessary.
I think complaining about how boring (read: still) 2022 was and how much I complained about it, I really shouldn’t be surprised at how 2023 actually gagged the fuck out of me. It was very much pre-meditated, only I didn’t know it. The year started out as any other: Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, ready to conquer, change, and liven up my next 365 days. It started, as it always does, with my birthday. I spent it in nyc. My fave city to be in. I was so inspired and It just felt like the year was going to be drastically different from 2022.
While I was in nyc, I had so much on my mind with how I was going about my life….i started thinking about how I was not living up to my potential. I made the crazy decision that I was leaving my job, 50+ floors up in the sky in the heart of times square, i said in my head “i quit.” I didn’t say anything to anyone until about a week later. No backup plan, just vibes. I told myself that It was time to bet on myself and actually walk with the confidence that I told everyone that I had. I took three months of not working and turned it into a redemption period. I caught up on so much sleep, binge-watched all the tv shows, stayed up late and slept in, things i’ve missed while working. I finally got experience and enjoy slow mornings where I had the chance to meditate, make my smoothies, do skincare, and have a truly mindful and intentional morning. I didn’t realize just how much my spirit needed and craved that. I’ll admit it, though. Having more free time is not always a good thing. I felt at times like my mental health took a hit. This summer was so up and down for me. Open space and time leaves the opportunity for overthinking wide open and I did so much of that. Constantly thinking over my decisions, the relationships that I had, my own perception that I had about my internal well-being and my physical looks. Anything that could be critiqued, I critiqued it this summer. Nevertheless, I stayed at it. I got out of my head in the field. I began meditating more, i began writing, looking back into my books and diving back into my music catalogs. I began crafting and creating my own renaissance (word to bey). I ended up pursuing and getting a professional certificate in project management and started a new course in logistics. To cap the summer, I put faith in myself, my ability, and my credentials and landed an amazing, fully-remote position with a brand new tech start-up that actually feels and operates like a job rather than a jail.
Lastly, as you all may now know, I am moving!!! After 20+ years of being in arkansas, i have decided that it was time for me to take my talents elsewhere. This is something that I’ve been planning for a while now and I’ve given so much thought to it and now just felt like the right time to do it. I felt like i was getting very comfortable, too comfortable, in my surroundings and i knew a location change would shake things up and re-inspire me. It’s been so bittersweet spending time with those closest to me and reliving all the memories I’ve created in the 501. The energy the last few weeks in arkansas has been intense, to say the least. and i cant tell you how much a cried the morning I left. everyone is talking to me and all i could muster up was a head nod and a very muddled “mhhm” or “right".” It hit me that morning that everything I knew and was (up to this point) was because of Arkansas. there has been no bigger critic of this state, but it will always be home and hold the highest place in my heart. everything that I am and hope to be is going is because of Arkansas. This decision was scary as hell, but I feel so confident in my decision and I know that I am going to thrive and live even more free in my new environment.
So, to 2023, thank you for taking me through the mud and dirt and lifting me all the up to the sun and the stars. You will always be the year that made me wake up. ❤️
